he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
