dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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