i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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