Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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