he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
