I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
