if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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