do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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