and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
