There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
