the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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