So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
