i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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