Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
