you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
