I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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