I need to stop coming to work sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
