Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
