Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
