peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
