Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
