Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
