PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
