nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
