surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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