I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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