Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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