the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
