sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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