Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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