That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
