this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
