Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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