I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
