Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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