I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
