Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
