I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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