maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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