I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
