Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
