So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
