That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
