I will die if light touches me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
