u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
