broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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