i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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