He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
