I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
