Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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