I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
