rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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