My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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