Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
