i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
