just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
