I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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