that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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