is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
