Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
