She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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