My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
