So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
