i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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