I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
