if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
