ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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