I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
